Problems I Overcame When Filming

The experience I've had with this whole filming a film based on a script you wrote for a bunch of people you don't know/like to watch can be described as moderately tense at best and taking a bath with a group of angered porcupines at worst.

There have been many downs and ups on this crappy roller-coaster most of which are probably my fault. The first and likely worst was a miscommunication which left me down a producer and a cameraman. Alright I can fix this, I have time. And by sheer luck I got a backup cameraman no producer but how integral are they to the actual filming process? You can decide for yourself how rhetorical that question is.

And then I'm down another cameraman the day I'm shooting because they want to edit their own film. The irony of the situation is that after I directed and filmed by myself I learned that they COULD have helped me after all because their own endeavours were halted by somebody else's. I don't like to think of these as excuses just as minor frustrations.

So I make the 30 to 40 minute walk up a hill carrying heavy equipment to film this movie and bring my vision to life. This part wasn't too bad to be honest. I'm not the best cameraman who ever lived but if I can turn it on that's all I need. The shots in my opinion and for what they were turned out okay and the sound (thanks to Paula the technician at E3 offering her assistance) turned out great. And with filming done to a non painful standard I headed back home dragging the same equipment downhill. Much to my surprise and delight the footage.

Editing wasn't awful but it's something I don't like and required a lot of time and effort. Getting music and sound effects took a lot of work but the main concern was structuring it by which I mean using the right cuts. By the end it was an edit that just kinda existed.

The fact is I'm not a terrible cameraman or a terrible editor nor am I a terribly good cameraman or editor either. And some of the ideas I had in mind I just wasn't capable of. If at the very least I gained one positive from all this it's that I know and need to remember my limits.

Although initially I was excited for this project I don't feel the same connection to the subject as I did at the start. The more the project progressed the less enthused I became. I've learned to appreciate the effort those who willingly take on the production roles in film and television practical roles but I've learned through my time in this field that simply isn't for me. From now on I intend to stick to creating ideas and throwing them at someone else to make.

Why I'm Sick of Horror

I'm sick of Horror. That's unfortunate for me cause I shot and am about to begin editing a horror film. But I digress.

It dawned on me whilst I was filming how overdone the entire genre is, be it remakes, found footage or dumb new ideas nothing seems to click anymore. Don't get me wrong some things are still scary but none of them have the kinda throat crushing power the likes of Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers had. I say had because the Friday the 13th remake sucked and the first Halloween reboot whilst fascinating wasn't on the same level as the original. As did the sequel to the remake. A lot of franchises tend to get dumber as they go on, we only got a second movie and the dumbness had peaked.

We had something good going with Paranormal Activity but it pretty much died a death after the fourth one. Even movies based on video games can't get it right. Resident Evil as a game has only recently turned into the generic appeal to everyone rubbish it is in the last few years. The films have always been action oriented and there's no true scares too it.

And now there's remakes. Remakes aren't necessarily a bad thing, it did bring us Nicolas Cage punching a woman in the face whilst dressed as a bear.(that's the last time I bring that up I swear) it also brought us the Halloween remake directed by Rob Zombie which I could never say was bad or good but definitely worth watching. On the other hand it did bring us the unnecessary shot for shot remake of Psycho starring Vince Vaughn. A pointless idea that the world probably should've forgotten by now.

And it's not like the new stuff is any better. The fact is when we see something unique in horror films nowadays there's only a slim chance it works, the rest of the time it's just an idea that everyone else was smart enough not to use.

Horror shouldn't be a difficult genre to do sorta right surely. But I think there's more to it than that, I'm reminded of the Hogfather by Terry Prattchet and the reveal that the first tooth fairy is actually the Boogeyman. It's actually a really poignant scene where the Boogeyman admits that she used to scare kids but when she saw how humans could be far scarier than her she decided that she didn't want to scare them anymore she wanted to help them and protect them.

To draw away from that my point is horror doesn't work the way it use to because the real world is far scarier than any film. Another less serious problem is that there's nowhere to go with the genre anymore. The 90s brought us Scream and its sequels and several guaranteed to not continue careers (except for David Arquette who held the WCW World Championship whilst sleeping with Courtney Cox had I born a decade earlier he'd have lived out two of my boyhood dreams now he's just living out dreams I can't because that belt is dead and buried). And we can't make films about the characters being aware of horror rules because A) Its been done, B) it's stupid and C) If your cast is well aware of their fate why should we as an audience care?

So yeah I'm giving myself a break from scary movies for a while. Maybe I'll check in again when another genre has been sucked dry. Say doesn't Sony still have the film rights to Spider-Man and X-Men?

An Intro That Gets It

This Blog is gonna be a little different than most. Mainly cause it's not going to be that long. It's not about a film no one else saw made for several million, it's not about bears punching people. No it's about an opening.

Friday Night Fisticuffs is the latest show being made by Two Best Friends Play. A group of Youtubers who play video games for the fun and amusement of everyone else. They're Matt, Pat, Woolie and Liam. I know the name is confusing but you learn to live with it.

This isn't the first time the group has thrown together a special something for the viewers. Halloween brought us Shitstorm of Scariness, Matt and Woolie partook in Scrublords where the duo played crap fighting games and Pat and Woolie did a play through of I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream.
But this is a little different because of one thing. The opening. Each episode starts with the cameraman knocking on the door. Woolie greets him and the two go inside where Matt and Pat are waiting to start gaming. This opening captures that feeling perfectly. The idea of a group of friends getting together to play video games.

The music, the atmosphere even the way the room looks all play part in giving the audience this feel of the fun were gonna have. I'm not the only who says it a lot of comments all say the same thing.
Hell I can't watch the opening without a smile coming across my face because I get it. I know that feeling, that feeling of having fun playing the medium your parents tell you you'll grow out of. You have friends and win lose or draw everyone's here to have a blast.

This might sound a little elitist but the fact is unless you've spent some time getting into the world of gaming you won't get it. If you have you'll feel a nostalgia unlike any other. If you haven't you can't possibly imagine it.

Here's the first episode if you're not sure yet. (Don't worry the intro isn't that long)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iixYVYW9pJQ

Why Does No One Talk About This?!!: Nicolas Cage Punching a Woman Whilst Dressed As a Bear

You read that title right. Nicolas Cage punches a woman in the face whilst dressed as a bear. A realistic bear. Even in context this scene makes little sense. But I'll try.\

The Wicker Man remake is an atrocious film even by remake standards, if you ever get into an argument over someone over the negative impact of remakes this film serves as both the best and worst argument ever. It's the best argument is that it doesn't have a single redeeming quality and that's just weird because the director is a guy I actually like. Neil LaBute made a few films like Lakeview Terrace a film that makes the idea of being neighbours to a police officer actually legitimately scary. In the Company of Men has the sort of Fight Club level of What the hell to it but in two guys who are more than willing to destroy an innocent deaf womans life just because they can. The premise alone makes it one of my favourite movies. Actually looking at it Mr LaBute doesn't have a high opinion of women does he?

So when he directs a remake of Wicker Man a film i've never seen but have grounds to believe is legitimately scary I have high hopes. Not since Mortal Kombat Annihilation or the ideas that I hope may help me maybe fit in with society has my hopes been dashed so quickly. Everyone remembers this scene for that scene. The scene with the bees. Yeah that stupid scene that wasn't even in the original theatrical release.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETrB6z3VMak

And that ridiculous bee scene ended up overshadowing the real meme worthy moment of this film. The scene where Nicolas Cage punches a woman whilst dressed as a bear. Every time I type that it gets funnier.

This scene is the worst argument ever for remakes. The original didn't have anything half as awesome as this. I don't even need to see it to know that. This is why we need remakes because sometimes a remake does something so bad it redeems the entire film. And then that stupid bee scene

To put it simply Nicolas Cage knocks out another woman and steals a bear suit she will be wearing for the festival they keep talking about, and then he dons the costume and infiltrates the festival dressed as a bear, it's not a bad strategy by any means it's something Solid Snake would do if he had no cardboard boxes. The problem is when he blows his cover by punching a woman in the face. dressed as a bear. Why does no one talk about this?!

The fact is this scene is so perfect it can lead to far too many jokes. So I leave you with the glorious scene itself played over Chariots of Fire. Because it just works.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOpsbAUEe90

Cruel ironies of being me

One of the cruelest ironies of being me is my relationship with horror. For some reason I love scary things be they movies games or books but at the same time I'm one of the most easily frightened people who ever lived.

And that's the weird thing about it I'm not afraid of real life things like a mugger or murderer I'm more scared of the things that aren't real, now you can argue that I shouldn't be scared of things that aren't real cause they're not real but think about that for a second, how do you know you're right and I'm wrong?

I have trouble sleeping, normally it's a mix of stress from things slightly out of my control and the fact that I don't use any energy during the day when I'm more prone to fall asleep but when I was younger and even now to a lesser extent it was because there was always that nagging fear that someone or something is watching me. Hell I can't even relax if my door is open and it's dark. That's how much of a fraidy cat I am.

So now you have a guy like me who loves scary things but can't stand being scared. I'm a bizarre one aren't I? But bizarre ones tend to go far in life or at least that's what Alan Moore taught me.

I pin it down to an overactive imagination but at the same time it is a mixed blessing. The fact is being easily scared makes it easier to understand how to be scary. R.L. Stein of Goosebumps fame said the same thing. Id like to think as a director I want to try and weaponise my own fear, the fact is fear isn't something that you can really get everyone to agree on but the idea of what creates fear is universally acceptable. It should be an interesting endeavour at least.

Foodfight!

In two days time I intend to film my end of year magnum opus isn't that swell? Truth be told heading into it I was nervous well I still am but less so and you know why? The reason is simple: Foodfight!
Foodfight! Is a fascinating film and an example of how something can make you renounce your faith in humanity but restore your confidence in yourself, because I have never seen a film that does nothing right exist on a budget of 45 MILLION! FORTY FIVE MILLION!!! Though in fairness I think it was more the mascot licensing issues rather than literally anything else in this film.

First a history lesson, the film began production in 2001 it didn't get released till last year. Right off the bat that's not a good sign. But nothing was gonna stop Lawrence Kasanoff the man behind it all from getting this film out there! Not even the near finished film being stolen in an act of corporate espionage was enough to put this dog down.

What he made up for in determination to not have his legs broken by Mr.Clean and the California Raisins he lacked in any understanding of how things worked (and yes the way that last sentience was structured was intentional).

See Lawrence was very hands on working with the animators and that isn't a bad thing, it shows a level of support between director and crew and it's better than George Lucas just stamping a ticket down on everything he likes and then leaving. Problems occur when your director doesn't really know what he's talking about. He'd walk around and tell his crew make it "30% better" or "more awesome" I'd also like to point that this man supervised production, marketing and merchandising of Terminator 2.

But I've done enough tearing the films development to shreds. Let's find some new wounds to salt, the story is a good one.

The story concerns a grocery store that comes to life at night when people are not around. Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen) is a top agent of the United Supermarket Defense Association which keeps the aisles safe from crime as well as running a club called the Copa-Banana where fellow advertising icons ("Ikes" for short) can hang out such as Charlie the Tuna, Mr. Clean and the California Raisins. After his beloved Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff) vanishes without a trace, he ends up stepping out of the game only to be brought back in when a mysterious "Brand-X" has emerged in the grocery store by the machinations of a Mr. Clipboard (Christopher Lloyd) and Icons are disappearing or being murdered. With the help of his sidekick Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady), Dex must uncover the truth behind Brand-X and its Femme Fatale leader Lady X (Eva Longoria) and rally a resistance in order to prepare for well, a Food Fight.

I already have several questions. The film establishes that the store and its products come to life at night but there is a scene in this movie where are two heroes Dex and Dan are in a high action scene in the real world where the real nasty animation comes out. Seriously heads up it's hideous.

I told you it hideous. Try watching it when its in motion.


 So can they be themselves during the day? Is it because of Brand X? Or is it just a plot hole no one filled in?
Why do you have all these mascots in your film and do nothing with them? Well there's a few jokes towards Mr Clean but they aren't funny, and the many brand characters who were removed from the film are replaced by hideous caricatures of themselves. Subtle. And very mature.

I wanna take time out to rip apart the animation. Now the animation is over 10 years old but for a ten year old film with a 45 million dollar budget it looks worse than an episode of Cubix.
Anyone? The show with the transforming robot? Nope?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PJsIqdqMQA

Alright enough dated references lets talk Mr Clipboard played by the legend himself Christopher Lloyd. This animation is horrible. This character is horrible to look at. And there really is no reason it needs to look like this. Well there is but that's a spoiler.

Christopher Lloyd's worst role since Stacked. Look it up.

It's all about the stare. The Kubrick Stare.

Stanley Kubrick. The madman of filmmaking. Well one of them at least. If you know anything film you know who Stanley Kubrick is and the role he has played for the film industry.
The long list of films Kubrick shows how good he was and how eager he was to get details in every shot perfect. But the fact is I'm not here to talk about his perfectionism if I was we'd never see the light of day again.

No, were gonna talk about one of the things that made Kubrick's characters work. The stare, the Kubrick Stare. If you look for it it's in a lot of films and obviously Kubrick's own works.
A Clockwork Orange had two examples that stand out. The first is the very shot of this film with our hero (and I use that term loosely) Alex pulling off the stare in a way that shows you right away what were in for. The fact that he never blinks makes it pretty scary and it holds even as the camera zooms out and the music hits its peak.

The other example is actually a weird upward example of this near the end of the film. As Alex is being tortured by the music that makes him ill during his Ludvigo Treatment the writer who Alex tormented early on in the film can be seen looking up towards the ceiling in a manner very similar to how the Kubrick Stare would be done. From what I can tell this is supposedly a reference to old photos of Beethoven.

It was also in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, remember David Tennant as Barty Crouch Jr? Yep he does it there. Jack Nicholson in the Shining, he does it there too though that was a Kubrick film so it makes sense to be honest.,
This is a pretty difficult thing to talk about but that's because there's a massive list of examples even in more recent films. But the fact is I absolutely love it as a shot. Why?
I follow Alfred Hitchcock's theory on eyes. That they're windows to the soul ,watch any of his films and you'll notice that eyes are pretty important in establishing a character like the cop in Psycho to make him scarier Hitchcock just covered his eyes with thick dark sunglasses and called it a day. And it worked
But I'm a little different, I believe you can show off someone's soullessness by showing their eyes. And the Kubrick stare proves it. Give a good actor the chance and you have a something truly terrifying on your hands.

Oh and fun fact. Kubrick himself pulled this off a lot when he wanted to be serious and intimidating. Don't believe me? That's him in the first panel on the top left. 

And finally I leave you with a quote from the legend himself Roger Ebert. Because this took several weeks to write and it needs to end at some point and it might as well be good. 

"In that showdown, and at several other times in the film, Kubrick indulges his favorite closeup, a shot of a man glowering up at the camera from beneath lowered brows. This was the trademark visual in A Clockwork Orange, and Jack Nicholson practiced it in The Shining. What does it mean? That Kubrick thinks it's an interesting angle from which to shoot the face, I think."