Foodfight!

In two days time I intend to film my end of year magnum opus isn't that swell? Truth be told heading into it I was nervous well I still am but less so and you know why? The reason is simple: Foodfight!
Foodfight! Is a fascinating film and an example of how something can make you renounce your faith in humanity but restore your confidence in yourself, because I have never seen a film that does nothing right exist on a budget of 45 MILLION! FORTY FIVE MILLION!!! Though in fairness I think it was more the mascot licensing issues rather than literally anything else in this film.

First a history lesson, the film began production in 2001 it didn't get released till last year. Right off the bat that's not a good sign. But nothing was gonna stop Lawrence Kasanoff the man behind it all from getting this film out there! Not even the near finished film being stolen in an act of corporate espionage was enough to put this dog down.

What he made up for in determination to not have his legs broken by Mr.Clean and the California Raisins he lacked in any understanding of how things worked (and yes the way that last sentience was structured was intentional).

See Lawrence was very hands on working with the animators and that isn't a bad thing, it shows a level of support between director and crew and it's better than George Lucas just stamping a ticket down on everything he likes and then leaving. Problems occur when your director doesn't really know what he's talking about. He'd walk around and tell his crew make it "30% better" or "more awesome" I'd also like to point that this man supervised production, marketing and merchandising of Terminator 2.

But I've done enough tearing the films development to shreds. Let's find some new wounds to salt, the story is a good one.

The story concerns a grocery store that comes to life at night when people are not around. Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen) is a top agent of the United Supermarket Defense Association which keeps the aisles safe from crime as well as running a club called the Copa-Banana where fellow advertising icons ("Ikes" for short) can hang out such as Charlie the Tuna, Mr. Clean and the California Raisins. After his beloved Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff) vanishes without a trace, he ends up stepping out of the game only to be brought back in when a mysterious "Brand-X" has emerged in the grocery store by the machinations of a Mr. Clipboard (Christopher Lloyd) and Icons are disappearing or being murdered. With the help of his sidekick Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady), Dex must uncover the truth behind Brand-X and its Femme Fatale leader Lady X (Eva Longoria) and rally a resistance in order to prepare for well, a Food Fight.

I already have several questions. The film establishes that the store and its products come to life at night but there is a scene in this movie where are two heroes Dex and Dan are in a high action scene in the real world where the real nasty animation comes out. Seriously heads up it's hideous.

I told you it hideous. Try watching it when its in motion.


 So can they be themselves during the day? Is it because of Brand X? Or is it just a plot hole no one filled in?
Why do you have all these mascots in your film and do nothing with them? Well there's a few jokes towards Mr Clean but they aren't funny, and the many brand characters who were removed from the film are replaced by hideous caricatures of themselves. Subtle. And very mature.

I wanna take time out to rip apart the animation. Now the animation is over 10 years old but for a ten year old film with a 45 million dollar budget it looks worse than an episode of Cubix.
Anyone? The show with the transforming robot? Nope?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PJsIqdqMQA

Alright enough dated references lets talk Mr Clipboard played by the legend himself Christopher Lloyd. This animation is horrible. This character is horrible to look at. And there really is no reason it needs to look like this. Well there is but that's a spoiler.

Christopher Lloyd's worst role since Stacked. Look it up.
One last thing I wanna talk about is Sunshines return at the end of the film. Look at her eyes. Not once does she make eye contact with anything. 45 million people.45million.

Oh and a final note the Film poster makes an emphasis to show all the merchandise mascots on the centre but the actual heroes of the film take up a small part of the left bottom corner. Kinda looks like they're saying "come back mascots! None of us can tolerate this terrible movie!" Or perhaps "take us with you! Give us another chance to hock wares!".

That was Foodfight! I didn't like it. It looks horrible even by the standards of when it came out. The mascots don't do anything and the film as a whole just fails at everything. That makes it a polar opposite of Wreck-It Ralph which everyone should watch. It has a big cast(for the time it came out when was Hilary Duff last relevant?) but I'm left wondering why they thought this was a good idea. Though looking at what this film COULD have been it makes me wonder how well received it could have been. Told you the phrase "What could have been" can be painful.

And please to everyone if you ever feel down about who you are or worried about the future just remember. You didn't help make Foodfight! And that makes you a pretty good person overall. Good for you.